The Higginses are there, I meet Paul there, Richard Reid the pedo from N2 is there, Alkesh his mate is there.
Lea Batton is there, Gary MacKinnon (yes, that one) is there - I didn’t know these two, or the Higgenses at that time.
Chris Ludwick is there and that’s who invited me.
Early on, I’m sitting on the stairs with Alkesh, or was it Richard Reid’s Turkish friend Abdul who he used to take us children round to see in the back of his white van… one of the two.
He passes me a joint and says something to me and I go into a MAJOR PTSD reaction.
It’s so major, I don’t recover until the next day.
I’m in such a panic, I spend the rest of the evening in the top sitting room alone.
Chris sits with me the whole time, hours, then we leave.
I’m mute, terrified.
I’ve no idea what’s causing this reaction.
A man who comes in later looks at me and says: I heard that, or I saw that, and I’m even more terrified.
Eventually Chris and I go back to his house and I phone a taxi from there.
We’re watching Max Headroom.
My mind is SCREAMING at me; everything I hear and see is dangerous.
My breath is so fast, I’m mute.
It’s horrific.
The next day, it’s over.
What happened to cause that huge reaction?
Could a few words spoken by someone I know have done so?
I used to explain these reactions as the pot, and that’s why I quit smoking pot because it gave me dreadful PTSD reactions and it was only a year or so after the rape-gangs had a hold of me.
Was something else going on though?
You might forgive me wondering, given our more recent histories.